If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
