ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
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