it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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