Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
