What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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