She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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