I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
