He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
