Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
