i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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