im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
