Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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