he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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