Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
