She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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