you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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