I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
