never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
