3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
