I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
me + whiskey = a bad person
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
