You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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