No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
