Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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