Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
