I'm lost and stupid without you.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
