is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
