I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
