i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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