i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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