When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
