Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
