i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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