You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
