I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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