is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
