It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
