I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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