I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
