she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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