This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
