the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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