I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize