Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
