Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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