You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
