i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
