Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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