So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
