my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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