If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
