He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
