omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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