his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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