Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
