Swine flu. Run for my life!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize