i just wanna soil my oats bro
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
im on a boat
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