There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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