I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize