I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
