I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
