btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
