if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
