in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
