what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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