Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
