I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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