I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
whose parrot is this?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
