My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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