New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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