carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my shit smells like andre
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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