i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Pants are for mortals
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
