the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
